Signs of cheating by a spouse are hard to handle. It can hurt and be devastating when a woman begins to suspect that her husband is involved with another person, especially when the other person is another man, which can significantly increase the pain and anger the woman feels. Once you begin to deal with the fact that your husband is involved with another man, then you begin to wonder what your marriage really has meant all this time. Seeing the signs your husband is gay is helpful in situations like these. This article will help you better understand those signs.
Signs Your Husband Is Gay
1. Porn Preferences
If your husband tends to watch gay porn on a regular basis rather than the heterosexual variety, it can indicate he, at the very least, has a curiosity about bisexuality or has feelings regarding other men. This can be a normal situation to face for people. There is a greater stigma to face for men who feel this way. This may be a sign when paired with other clues, but this is not the only thing to consider when looking for signs your husband is gay.
2. Lack of Bedroom Fun
While there can be a lot of reasons for a lack of interest in sex, your husband’s low sex drive or inability to get an erection when getting hot and heavy with you can be a strong indication he prefers other men. Still, it is wise to consider the other possible causes, like low testosterone levels, depression or even high stress levels before jumping to a conclusion like a different sexual orientation.
3. No Jealousy
Men who are single and looking for a woman to be in a relationship with can sense when a woman is available, married or in serious relationships notwithstanding. There may be pheromones or other subconscious clues. However, men tend to know when a woman is single or currently unhappy in a relationship. This comes down to base instinct, where a woman’s body is prepared for carrying offspring and men sense that readiness. Men who do not protect what is theirs and have no concern when other men are trying to steal their woman may not be heterosexual.
4. Significant Amounts of Time Spent with Other Men
While lots of men have friends or a single friend they spend a lot of time with, one of the signs your husband is gay might be his preference to spend time with another man alone or with a group of obviously gay friends whenever he is free from work and other obligations. If your husband is hiding something when he is away from you that could potentially be a different sexual orientation.
5. Reacting Strongly to Homosexuals
Many men who are struggling with their own sexuality are very against men who are homosexual and comfortable sharing that. This in itself can be due to a number of underlying factors. However, paired with some of the other mentioned clues, it could mean your husband can not come to terms with his own sexual preference.
6. Other potential signs that your husband is gay include:
- Focus on physical appearance but not to please you
- Strange bursts of anger, depression or unexplained mood swings
- Time he spends away from home “working” that doesn’t make sense
- Periods of time or certain behavior that does not fit his typical routine
- Defensive about his time spent away from home and where he was
- Keeps cell phone close and gets calls/texts at odd hours, and does not share who they are from
- Acting more distant and cold toward you
- Meeting the eyes of strangers in public
- A clean web browser history or a list of strange sites visited
- Changes financially related mail to be delivered at work
- Won’t explain certain charges on bank statements
- Interested in spouse’s schedule more than normal
What Happens If Your Husband Is Gay?
If it becomes obvious that your husband is gay, there are normal emotional reactions to this news. Those include shame, repulsion, hurt and even intense anger, guilt and/or devastation. You as his wife may try to take responsibility, finding reasons he may have become this way because of you.
While normal, it is important to work through these feelings. It is also important to deal with the idea that there is no responsibility for the wife when a husband turns out to be gay. He is the only one responsible for his sexual preference. Therapy may be a wise choice, so you can both understand why the marriage occurred (true feelings of care and concern from husband, his attempt to stop being homosexual by getting married, etc.) and absolve both sides of guilt and anger due to this significant revelation.
Should You Stay Together or Get a Divorce?
There is no blanket answer for this particular issue. For families with children, this can be a particularly touchy point to consider. While some couples may attempt to stay together to benefit the children, this may not be the best option. Some children who are brought up in a home where the reason the parents stay together is to raise the children end up noticing the solitude of their parents and can cause feelings of guilt in the child or children.
Meanwhile, the process of divorce can be difficult and even messy. When one spouse is found to be gay, the issue of adultery can be a big one during divorce proceedings. This can impact alimony and child custody. However, this can depend on the laws of the state where you reside. Some states do not consider same-sex relationships to be adultery.
For those who have concerns about signs your husband is gay, remember that all of these signs can point to other issues. They do not conclusively show your husband is gay. Only an honest conversation with him where he admits the sexual preference can truly let you know if that is the case.
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